Hello there boys, girls and all you
self-inflicted firework casualties out there!

WELCOME TO THE UNOFFICIAL
S.britt BRAND FUN CENTER ©®™

I sure hope your folks don’t mind me entertaining you kids for the next few hours. I promised your parents I would keep an eye on you and make sure you have a safe and sane 4th of July. You see, this is the part of the internet where you can download desktop calendars, pictures to print & color and compete in hilarious gut-busting contests of irreversible repercussions (and miraculous explosions)! It’s sorta like if the Founding Fathers had a website and absolutely no talent whatsoever.

If you look to your left (right if you feel like this), you’ll notice a calendar for July that you can proudly display on your desktop and be the envy of your sock hop, ice cream social, or local chapter of Fonzarelli fanatics! Don’t delay, download your preferred screen size today (unless of course you’re soaking in it)!

There is also a brand new doodle for you to download, print and color this month. Why? Because it was literally the least I could do.

HEY LET’S HAVE A COLORING CONTEST, SHALL WE?

LET’S! For all you kids out there that have your own copy of Coloring CAN Be FUNNY! now you can make it pay off BIG! How, you say? Simple, I say! Color your favorite page(s), and then send them in to me, either by email or slug mail, to be entered into my monthly coloring contest. The winning contestant will be chosen by our expert panel of judges (me, myself and three of the seven voices in my head) and awarded a super secret pow! pow! powerful prize! The winner will be notified by smoke signals (or homely pigeon), and his/her winning entry will be displayed on this very page, as well as in last year’s telephone book! You have already lost SO MANY contests in life, what’s ONE more? What are you waiting for? Get coloring YESTERDAY!

Last month I received an overwhelming amount of wonderful (and wonderfilled) coloring contest entries, especially when you consider that I didn’t receive a single one the previous month! It really warms the worms in the clogged cockles of my heart when I see how much effort you kind kids put into coloring my lowly (and yet wholesome and nutritious) doodles. It was really difficult to select a single winner out of all the lovely entries, but if I didn’t, the terrorists win… and then WHAT kind of July 4th would we have?!? So June’s coloring contest winner comes from young Crystal Bogle who hails from the rum-soaked shores of Kingston, Jamaica. I especially enjoyed the fact that she turned our beloved Eddy into a Yankee Doodle capitalist and Potato Chip into a gawl durn glutton (talk about putting the shoe on the other hand!). Thanks to all who entered and especially to Ms. Bogle of parts unknown (England, Venezuela, India, Hawaii, Ohio, etc.)! You are ALL winners in my book, unfortunately I had to sell my book to pay for this sentence.

This month’s contest has already begun and all entries (to be considered for July) must be received no later than July 30th. All entries received later than the 30th will be entered into the August coloring competition. Thanks in advance for your participation AND all the illegal fireworks and drunken fisticuffs and that you’ll undoubtedly send my way to bribe and sway my final decision. It ALL goes to a good cause… my annual 4th of July “red, white and blew” bypass surgery!

For now, all entries must be emailed, on accounta my P.O. Box went the way of the hoop skirt, the hoop snake and Mr. Hooper. As soon as I get a new one set up, you’ll be the third to know!

Keep checking the FUN CENTER for more pictures, winners, contests, recipes, taxidermy, gun repair and least of all fun.

by S.britt

Folke: Where do rabbits go after their wedding?
Schultze: Into the oven!

Folke: What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
Schultze: He took his sister to the movies!